shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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