Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
