chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
