my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
