I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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