Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
