Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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