The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
