"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
