Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
