Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
