Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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