Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
