Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
