her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
