i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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