Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
