we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
