I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm both gender and math confused
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
