Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
