I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
