plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
