i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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