she smelled like a LAN party
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
