I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
