You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
