I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
