Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
