stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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