I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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