Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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