I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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