I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
