Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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