Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
