Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
