that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
