In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
