Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
