I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
