Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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