I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
