I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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