if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
