why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
