Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I think my moral compass just broke
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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