Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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