At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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