Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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