The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
