If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
