I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i came on her dog
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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