I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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