the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
