my vag is so smooth its legendary
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i've created a new STD.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
