She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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