I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize