I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
