Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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