remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
