is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
