She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
