I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Your penis caused this!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
