i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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