Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
