FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
