dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
