My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
