Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
